was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
