I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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