Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
