in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
