A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
do herpes really smell.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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