so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize