guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I've blown a few things in my day
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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