I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
