he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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