I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
