that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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