I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just threw up on my dentist
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
