are you still at the devil's house?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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