I just threw up on my dentist
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
