I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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