Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
