my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize