I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
