Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
