theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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