So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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