I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
