I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
