I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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