He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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