I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
