I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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