my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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