Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Randomize
