my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
