you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
