Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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