I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
