I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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