I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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