Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he puts the penis in happiness.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
