I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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