D3 body, D1 cock
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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