Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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