My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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