She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Still dying that you shit outside
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
