get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
