There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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