Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize