whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
