Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
