There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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