i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
