remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
