I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Sober January is a disaster.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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