Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
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