Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
