i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
