i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
