someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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