final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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