The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
