why didn't you poke me back
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
