no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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