There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize