my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize