So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize