I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
