he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
