You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize