he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
