You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
