i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
