i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize